When most people think about trauma, they think about the event itself. The accident. The loss. The abuse. The betrayal. We measure trauma by what happened to us—by the external circumstances, the severity, the duration.
But as Dr. Gabor Maté teaches us, “Trauma is not what happens to you, it is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.”
This shift in understanding changes everything. It means that trauma isn’t about the event—it’s about the wound that forms inside us. It’s about how we internalize the experience, how our nervous system responds, what beliefs we form about ourselves and the world, and how our body holds onto the impact long after the event has passed.
Why the Event Isn’t the Trauma
Two people can experience the same event and have completely different responses. One person might process and integrate the experience relatively quickly. Another might carry the impact for years, even decades.
This isn’t about strength or weakness. It’s about what was happening inside each person at the time—their age, their support system, their previous experiences, their nervous system’s capacity, and countless other factors that determined how the experience was internalized.
The trauma is what gets stored inside: the overwhelm, the helplessness, the terror, the shame, the belief that “I’m not safe” or “I’m not worthy” or “The world is dangerous.” These become patterns that live on in our bodies and minds, shaping how we see ourselves and interact with the world.
How Trauma Lives in the Body
Here’s what many people don’t realize: trauma doesn’t just live in our memories or thoughts. It lives in our bodies.
When we experience something overwhelming, our nervous system goes into survival mode—fight, flight, or freeze. This is a brilliant, protective response designed to keep us alive. But when we can’t complete that survival response (we can’t fight, we can’t run, we can’t escape), the energy of that response gets stored in our body.
This is why trauma survivors often experience:
- Chronic tension or pain in specific areas
- A sense of being “frozen” or stuck
- Hypervigilance or always feeling on edge
- Difficulty feeling safe, even in safe situations
- Unexplained physical symptoms
- Emotional numbness or disconnection
- Panic or anxiety that seems to come from nowhere
These aren’t just symptoms to manage. They’re your body’s way of holding onto what happened, trying to protect you from feeling overwhelmed again.
The Beliefs That Form
Perhaps the most insidious part of trauma is the beliefs that form in its wake. When something overwhelming happens, especially in childhood, we make meaning of it. We form conclusions about ourselves, others, and the world.
A child who experiences neglect might internalize: “I’m not important. My needs don’t matter.”
A person who experiences betrayal might believe: “People can’t be trusted. I have to protect myself.”
Someone who felt helpless during a traumatic event might carry: “I’m powerless. Bad things happen to me.”
These beliefs become the lens through which we see everything. They shape our relationships, our choices, our sense of what’s possible. And they persist long after the original event, becoming part of our identity.
Why “Just Get Over It” Doesn’t Work
This is why well-meaning advice like “just move on” or “it’s in the past” falls so flat for trauma survivors. The event might be in the past, but what happened inside you—the stored nervous system response, the held tension, the formed beliefs—is still present.
You can’t think your way out of trauma. You can’t reason with it or willpower it away. Because trauma isn’t primarily stored in the thinking brain—it’s stored in the body and the nervous system.
What Healing Actually Looks Like
True trauma healing requires working with what happened inside you. This means:
Reconnecting with your body. Learning to feel and listen to the sensations, the tension, the places where trauma is held. Not to re-traumatize yourself, but to gently process and release what’s been stored.
Discharging the incomplete survival responses. Allowing your nervous system to finally complete the fight or flight response that got stuck, so the energy can release and your body can return to regulation.
Transforming the beliefs. Exploring and updating the conclusions you formed when you were overwhelmed, helping you see that while those beliefs made sense then, they don’t have to define you now.
Creating safety. Building an internal sense of safety and regulation, so you’re no longer constantly braced for danger.
Honoring your adaptations. Recognizing that however you survived—whatever patterns you developed, whatever parts you shut down—was brilliant and necessary. And now, with compassion, you can explore what no longer serves you.
The Body Remembers—And the Body Can Heal
One of the most hopeful truths about trauma is this: because trauma lives in the body, healing can happen through the body.
When we work with the somatic experience of trauma—the sensations, the tension, the held energy—we can create the release and integration that talk therapy alone often can’t provide. When we combine this with compassionate exploration of the beliefs and patterns that formed, profound transformation becomes possible.
You don’t have to stay stuck in what happened inside you. Those responses, those beliefs, those patterns—they all made sense once. They protected you. And now, with the right support, they can be transformed.
Moving Forward
If you recognize yourself in this description—if you’ve been carrying something that happened inside you for far too long—know that healing is possible. Not healing that erases what happened or pretends it didn’t matter, but healing that allows you to release what you’ve been holding, transform what you’ve been believing, and finally feel safe and whole in your own body.
The trauma wasn’t your fault. And the path forward doesn’t require you to do it alone.
About the Author:
Christina is a holistic hypnotherapist on the Sunshine Coast specializing in trauma healing through mind-body integration and compassionate inquiry. Having navigated her own healing journey, she now helps others release what they’ve been carrying and remember their wholeness.
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